"Godzilla 2: Rise of Ghidorah" FULL STORY TREATMENT W/ARTWORK

I have one issue right off the bat and that is your use of an "Epilogue," which is a piece of literature or work that brings closure to a piece. It's not an introduction. That would be a prologue. So you should probably change that.

Second, while I find the enthusiasm for Toho monsters to be just fine, bringing them to the 2014 franchise, even in a piece of fan fiction like this, is contrived and a slap in the face to Toho Studios. They were the ones who worked hard to create these monsters and bring them to life for us, and going back to steal them from Toho because we lack creativity of our own shows Toho and the Toho monsters absolutely zero respect.

It's like going to meet with Toho executives and saying "Hey Toho, I know we were successful with our first movie without using any of your monsters save for Godzilla. However, because the fans are all clamoring for the use of more of your monsters we're going to need to piggy back off of your success some more because even though we can succeed on our own with just Godzilla, we're choosing instead not to because we know that if we stole more of your hard work we'd do even better! Cha-Ching! Money flowing out the ass Toho! It's a business deal you shouldn't walk away from. We know you did the hard work, but if you give us your monsters we can both profit from it! Whaddya say?"

It's completely disrespectful to fall back on Toho's success and shows zero respect to the studio and the monsters they created.

So while I think it's fine to be a fan of the Toho line up and to enjoy the monsters to the fullest, bringing them to the 2014 setting is completely pointless and shows that you lack your own creativity as well and are of the mind that Godzilla cannot succeed without the rest of the Toho cast, which is disrespectful to Godzilla himself which would make you something of a hypocrite as a Godzilla fan.

Still, despite my problem with you using other Toho monsters, I find your idea interesting so I'll keep reading your work and let you know of any problems I find in the logic, flow, or integrity of your work.

This read turned out to be much more difficult and tedious than I imagined, and I’m approaching it as a real critic would.

The enormous list of problems in this story are as follows:

* “Shots of soldiers searching various islands are seen throughout each shot of text.”

- You are not describing “shots of text,” you’re describing “lines of dialogue” due to the fact that you’re describing Stenz speaking over a passing image or visual sequence. So you should change the ending of that sentence to match appropriately.

* “We are then taken to the inside of a local sub somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, where ethe crew looks for signs of any lingering monsters.”

- This makes no sense on any level. Subs are not “local.” They have names and designations. Is it a US sub, a Japanese sub, a Russian sub? What is it and who does it belong to? Also, where in the Pacific are they looking. If you want to know, just use google maps on the Earth and look at the satellite view. You can see all the underwater trenches and you can zoom in on all the islands anywhere in the world to find more specific locations to give your work more credibility and detail which keeps the readers interested.

* “However, the ship is then hijacked by a crew of terrorists, who seize control of the ship, holding the captain at gunpoint in order to obtain and open a case with a mini warhead before dropping it into the ocean floor.”

- Also doesn’t make any sense. How can you hijack a sub without them knowing you’re coming with sonar, radar, and if they’re on the surface they have constant lookouts at all times. Who can hijack a sub and why are they caring a mini warhead? Who are these terrorists and how did they get their hands on such an expensive and highly protected piece of equipment? Being terrorists doesn’t automatically make a group of people dangerous enough, brave enough, or skilled enough to hijack a sub. And that still doesn’t answer the question of how they accomplished this feat. Hijacking a sub is near impossible with all of the observational equipment and manpower they possess, and reaching them before they can dive and escape is even harder. So think about that a little bit.

* The next paragraph details Ford and other soldiers on a Navy yacht along the Pacific Ocean, but what does that mean? A Navy yacht? Do you mean a militarized vessel of some kind such as a destroyer, a gunship, a battleship, an aircraft carrier? A yacht is a private means of transportation, not for military use unless it was confiscated for whatever reason, but even then a yacht is not the type of boat the Navy uses on any regular basis. You should rethink the type of boat you’re using.

* I don’t have a problem with most of the rest of that paragraph, though I am wondering how and why the yacht was suddenly destroyed without a single piece of evidence even during the event as to what caused it. Black toxins floating in the water are one thing, and unless they mean Hedorah, the boat should not have been destroyed just from a few toxins floating through the water. One of the soldiers would have seen the underlying cause of the event, if not Ford himself before his death. Even if he took the sight with him to the grave, it would be a good idea to at least tease one detail of what caused the destruction of the boat.

* The Secretary of Defense does not engage in military activity. He would not be assigned to a major task force. He would pass off leadership to the first available individual with appropriate rank to handle the job. Serizawa wouldn’t be assigned to a task force either. As a scientist, he would be kept at a distance by the military despite what he knows about Godzilla. He might be taken along for the ride, but he wouldn’t actually be a part of the force itself. He’d be an advisor if anything.

* Problem with the cult. Where do they get the idea that Ghidorah is real when he was never shown to exist? You can’t worship something that doesn’t at least have some kind of origin story. This cult literally comes out of nowhere to worship something that has come from an equal amount of nothing. This makes absolutely no sense and is a huge plot hole in your story that will annoy the crap out of any serious readers or movie goers if this idea were ever to be filmed. You think critics were harsh on Godzilla 2014, they’d tear your work to shreds even worse than I’m doing if you keep using random ideas like this one.

* The meteor crashing in the subway should have come first, with the cult coming later. Much later. Perhaps not until half way through your story. This kind of mismanaged detail pacing is what will cause many fans to ignore and otherwise hate on your work. Also, it’s too reminiscent of Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster. You’ve basically ripped off his introduction in that movie as well as his circumstances. This shows a lack of creativity on your part, sad to say it.

* The world government meeting would not go down that way. With Godzilla absent from the world, blame would not automatically fall on him. You’re trying to create drama and tension around him to make him more of a hero later, but this is not how you should go about it. This meeting and the blaming of Godzilla makes zero sense given the circumstances, especially if his whereabouts are known. Also, Serizawa’s idea of Godzilla being a force for nature to restore balance doesn’t mean that all levels of government would suddenly know of his theory and accept it while using it to blame Godzilla. But the blaming of Godzilla itself is a problem as it would not happen. With Godzilla missing in action, how can he be blamed for a meteor strike and a cult worshipping a non existent threat? Who would take that cult seriously regardless of the devastation caused elsewhere in the world? They’re a cult. By governmental definition they are strange, ignorant, and crazy people who are not to be trusted or payed any attention to beyond “lock them up.”

* People would not vote in polls showing favor or disfavor of Godzilla, and neither would the government hold such polls. The government could care less what the people think of Godzilla or any other monster. Holding an opinion poll of Godzilla is like our government today in the real world holding an opinion poll of the idea to make the government operate on minimum wage until the economy is restored. It will never happen. Also, the news teams who broadcast the phrase “King of the Monsters, Savior of our city?” in the 2014 movie end the phrase with a question mark. Why? Because they are unsure of whether or not he is in fact their savior. You can’t just get rid of the question mark and hail him as a savior and then question his savior ways just because it’s inconvenient for your story. You need to be consistent with the previous film’s lore if your work is to be taken seriously on any level. That question mark is there for a reason.

* Plot issue number whatever this is. Monarch is not defunct. Monarch is still in operation as of the end of Godzilla 2014, and if this story of yours takes place decades after 2014, then you should mention that somewhere in the beginning of your story. Otherwise, this detail of Monarch being defunct is completely worthless and you may as well omit it entirely because it makes no sense.

* “He turns on his TV and sees a CNN news broadcast reporting the explosion on the coastal Japan island which catches his dearest attention.” There are hundreds, if not thousands of coastal Japanese islands. Which one are you talking about?

* Why would a retired Lt. receive a call from Stenz?

- Is this Lt. really that important and distinguished that the admiral think that one soldier is enough to make a huge difference? Ford only made a difference in the 2014 movie because he happened to be in the center of the action most of the time. However he was not the single deciding factor in the success of the story. Had he not been there to push the boat away from the dock and start the boat, the guys who rescued him would have done so. Had he not been there when the nuke was found and carried away, it wouldn’t matter because he only cleared one piece of rubble for the team to move it out. Someone else could have done that. Ford was in the center of the action, but not a vital component of the success of Godzilla in the end. This Lt. would not be either, so why is he suddenly being asked by the admiral to come back to service? Again, this makes no sense. Why waste time asking a retired Lt. to come back when he could ask a currently active Lt. to do so? Ford’s place was not vital, so why does it need to be filled? He was just another soldier. A good one, yes, but not so important that he alone has to have his slot filled.

* “Flight via fleet?”

- Again, something that makes no sense. Did he catch a lift from a chopper to an aircraft carrier where he was then taken by helicopter to his next destination? That’s not “flight via fleet,” it’s just a “flight.”

* So the general is a woman who flees from Lt. Reaver?…

- Do you understand anything about how the military and its different branches work? No general would just flee from a Lt. They’re too disciplined and too experienced to let emotions dictate their actions. That’s why they can make cold hearted decisions like using a nuke close to San Francisco in the last film. This little piece of emotion is misplaced and completely illogical and should be deleted from your story. No general worth their stars would ever behave like this. Their ensuing dialogue follows the same issue. This is uncharacteristic of military personnel. It would be a much calmer and less emotional set of dialogue and exchange. Also, an engagement ring does not mean you’re married. It means you’re engaged. A wedding ring means you’re married.

* Godzilla saved the general from a monster attack? When, where, why and how? This kind of detail is important. Did Godzilla save her specifically or was it just his chance intervention that happened to save her life and those of other troops? This Godzilla doesn’t give one wit about humanity in 2014, so why suddenly care about a single human being enough to save them? Also, if other Kaiju have come and gone since 2014 you need to tell us this early on in your story. Right now this detail is from out of nowhere and makes zero sense. This detail tells me you are writing as you go which is not a good way to go about it. You need to plan these things out ahead of time rather than just going for it. When you do, you make mistakes like this.

* So the meteor is an egg now? Who decided that? And when was it decided? How do they know it’s an egg? You aren’t thinking about logic when you’re writing this. You’re just writing what sounds cool. But in today’s world that’s not enough. You need to think of these things and answer them accordingly or else your audience will be lost.

* How does a dragon break out of the “egg” and happen to bite Serizawa in the eye? How small is this Dragon? less than a foot in height? A giant dragon head would bite Serizawa’s head clean off. Now you’re forcing details from his past incarnation in the Toho series using completely illogical statements and reasoning. This would never happen. Again, you’re not thinking this through. How does a dragon head large enough to break out of a meteor only cause enough damage to take out an eye while leaving the rest of him in tact? The force of the bite would cleave Serizawa’s head in two as if it were not even there.

* So they’re gravity beams? According to who and how do we know this? His beams are just streaks of energy which look like lightning. They don’t actually do anything to gravity so calling them gravity beams is another detail that makes no sense. Also, why did they suddenly attack the scientists? Are they defending themselves from a perceived threat or did this creature somehow know that they were there and just wanted to kill them. There is a big distinction to be made, but you glossed over it as if it’s not important. It’s not a good way to introduce such an overrated though beloved Toho Kaiju.

* How big is Ghidorah when he hatches? Is he full sized? If so, how big is that from foot to head? Is he still 140 meters like his Heisei incarnation, or is he even more ridiculously large? If he’s full size, then Serizawa wouldn’t even be as large as his teeth which further discredits your eye damaging detail from before. Is there a massive growth spurt from his hatching? If so, you need to give us a time frame.

* Again with the blaming of Godzilla?

- Even the government wouldn’t be stupid enough to blame Godzilla for Ghidorah’s appearance and sudden attacks. They’re two creatures who have no relation to one another and therefore Godzilla cannot hold blame even in a world filled with backwards hatred and misunderstandings. This makes no sense, and again you’re trying to force drama and tension surrounding Godzilla and it’s not working. Godzilla’s lack of appearance is not justifiable cause for blame in this situation. If anything, they’d stop talking about him altogether and begin to think that perhaps he was hibernating or avoiding the conflicts.

* The next paragraph is the only one I have no serious problems with thus far, though I am confused as to Godzilla simply “sitting int he dark.” Someone would have seen him or satellite imaging would have caught him. He can’t just be sitting in the dark. That doesn’t make sense.

* If Godzilla has been found and the military knows of his existence, then so does the government. Trying to find him before the government is a wasted effort because they already know where he is.

* Why dub the island Monster Island? There’s no logic to that statement. It’s an island in the Pacific, and it will have a name. You can’t just force a fake island into existence when the purpose of these films is to depict Godzilla in a real world scenario (barring the laws of physics proving he can’t exist outside of movie making). Forcing a random and unnamed island into existence and just calling it Monster Island is completely contrived and holds no validity.

* A peninsula cannot be “surrounded” by mountains. Fog, yes. Mountains, no. A peninsula is a piece of land shaped like Florida. Only one part of it connects to the main body of the rest of the island, and thus the only thing that can truly surround it is water and air, which is why fog is okay. But a peninsula cannot be surrounded by mountains. Not on an island that is this small by relative standards anyway if we go by the size of the original version. Which begs the question, how big is this island in the first place? A mile across? Two miles across?

* Worm larvae cannot fly. They are caterpillar like creatures without wings. If you wanted Mothra to have wings, just call her a moth and be done with it. But larvae cannot fly nor do they have scales. Also, what is the gate an entrance to? Some type of installation on the peninsula? That doesn’t make sense at all. Why have an installation on an unprotected part of the island where anything could find and destroy it?

* Now you’re going back on what you said before. The larvae is a true larvae now and not a flying moth? Make up your mind here, because the fight will be very different depending on whether or not it’s a larvae or a full grown moth.

* Next you’re forcing the small moment between Ford and Godzilla back into the mix. Do you have any of your own creativity? Godzilla would not remember two humans by face. He might be intelligent for a Kaiju, but he doesn’t have the brain power to remember two distinct human faces given how small they are compared to him and the fact that it’s been so long according to your undisclosed timeline. Also, Godzilla wouldn’t be able to see them from a full standing position if they’re inside the remains of a tunnel. If they walked out into the open, that was a stupid move on their part, but even then Godzilla wouldn’t just suddenly know they were there. And how did he get to the island so fast? Where in Japan was he when he destroyed the crab thing? You’re not being very consistent.

* You never mentioned any Kaiju attacking the Navy “yacht” before when Ford was killed but now there are suddenly details about it? Again, make up your mind. Was that attack a mystery or did someone see something?

* … And now it’s Destoroyah… Great. Another example of lacking creativity.

* Being small and immature doesn’t make them “larvae.” The term “larvae” only apply to insects with a larval stage. You can’t force that word on crustacean-type creatures. Do some research next time before throwing random terms around like this. The lack of attention to detail is getting annoying and I have a high patience threshold for things like this.

* How can Reaver literally be mere inches away from Ghidorah? Was it coincidence that Ghidorah landed that closely to him? If so, how is he still standing? Ghidorah’s landing would cause such a tremor that he would be knocked to the ground on his back or on his face. He wouldn’t remain standing.

* Moth larvae do not have “spores.” Spores come from adult moth wings. Again, you lack any research into the topic and have mislabeled the creature’s abilities. Also, where did these moths come from? Where were they hiding? And where in the bleeding hell is Godzilla? Seriously, this is only a few minutes after his initial departure. You think he would have sensed Ghidorah and remained stationary to do battle with him when he arrived. You’re trying to force too much action into the scene at once right now, and it’s not working very well.

* Why did Ghidorah just leave and not kill the soldiers? If he’s that evil and intended to kill them in the first place, why didn’t he finish the job? There’s no way the soldiers could get away before he would kill them after killing the two moths. Again, you’re glossing over important details which are not to be glossed over.

* A cocoon is not a “nest.”

* Even as a Kaiju, Mothra cannot fly immediately after emerging from her cocoon. Her wings have to dry in the air for several hours, if not days given her size compared to a regular moth which has to wait for a few hours.

* So now Godzilla is part of a new lore having done battle with an ancient monster that no human would ever have known about since Godzilla was only discovered in the 1950’s and all of his life before then is an absolute black hole in terms of information… Again, you’re forcing detail where there is none and it’s not working for you. It’s working against you.

* If the Sinomura is an ancient creature, how did Reaver have a toy of it? Ancient implies that it comes from a time LONG before your current timeline, meaning that Reaver and his family would have absolutely no knowledge of this creature. Also, how did this monster terrorize the Earth and battle with Godzilla when there was never any record in the 2014 lore about monsters ever having existed before Godzilla and the MUTO’s showed up? You’re not paying any attention to the lore of the previous movie which negates this as a valid sequel to the 2014 film’s story.

* So Monster Island now has its own backstory as well with monsters and mutants eh? Biting off of the 98’ cartoon series much?

* Where did MechaGodzilla come from?… Again, another forced Toho monster which could not exist in this nonexistent timeline you’ve established.

* How did Ghidorah exist in the same time period as Godzilla but come to the Earth from a meteor? You’re mixing up your own story lore and events! Be consistent!!

* And now you’re making Ghidorah the MUTO’s bitch from the 2014 movie when Ghidorah was nowhere around? How can he be a pawn of creatures that are dead!? So now you’re taking one of the most overrated Kaiju ever created and making him even more overrated and making him a bitch to the MUTO’s from the 2014 film which he could have easily killed? Wonderful.

* … How do the MUTO’s create Dorats? Are they scientific Kaiju with access to genetic laboratories in ancient times when humans and technology don’t exist? And why call them Dorats? Who gave them that name? Why?

Just why? Now you’re just ripping off of Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah from the Heisei series. Again, a huge slap in the face to Toho and a huge gesture of disrespect.

I’m starting to wonder if you’re actually a Godzilla fan or if you just think that ripping off previously established lore is actually something worth doing while ignoring the integrity of the source material which is the 2014 film and not part of the Toho franchise.

* How would the Dorats fuse? Do they do the Dragonball Z fusion dance? Honestly, you’re showing zero respect to these creatures and you’re mixing up the lore in a blender. This is not working for you.

* Okay… now you’re trolling us.

- So somehow a rivalry between Godzilla and Ghidorah was established even though you never mentioned them meeting and fighting in the ancient world and somehow, even though you said he was created by the MUTO’s, his meteor egg lands on Mars after he was sent there by an ancient civilization who tried to protect it from humans who did not yet exist on Earth at that time who were trying to destroy the egg.

You paid zero attention to detail here, and you deserve to be slammed for it. This entire section about Ghidorah’s past is a jumbled mess of information and has completely ruined the integrity (or what little was there in the first place) of your story. Humans didn’t exist in Godzilla’s ancient timeline when radiation was so much higher. And how would this so called ancient civilization send Ghidorah to Mars? Did they have rockets? Did they have some way of putting him in the egg and forcing it off world while breaking it through Earth’s atmosphere and gravity? Honestly, this is getting to be a joke.

* Ghidorah cannot move through space, so the next section of your story is equally pointless. There is no air in space, nor is there any gravity save for that created by the planets and stars. Ghidorah’s wings are useless in the vacuum of space, and would not act as a means of propulsion. His lightning attacks would not do so either, and Ghidorah, as strong as he is, does not have the strength to escape the gravitational pull of a planet. In any realistic setting, he’d be stuck on Mars to wander the planet alone forever until his death from a lack of oxygen which would make his existence there a very, very short one. And yes, he needs oxygen. According to your own lore he was created on Earth which means that like all Earth based creatures, he relies on oxygen to breath. He can’t breath in space, nor can he breath on Mars where there’s no oxygen. 

* How did the ancient civilization know about Mars? Did they have telescopes millions of years ago and the scientific knowledge to know that there were other worlds out there rathe than just dots in the sky?

* There were dinosaurs on other planets in other solar systems? Can Ghidorah travel faster than the speed of light? Because by the time he made it to the end of our own solar system, it would be the modern day. He’d never be able to travel that far or that fast and kill off that many “living creatures” in other solar systems. You have clearly not studied space very much have you? It’d be best if you stayed away from things you don’t study. Otherwise this happens.

* Ghidorah has a full blown population on Earth now?

- Yeah, no. Just no.

* Why not a population of Godzilla’s to fight the Ghidorahs? Hell, you’ve butchered everything else about Ghidorah, why not do it to Godzilla too?

* How can it be a “centuries” long statement when Godzilla existed in a time millions of years ago before being rediscovered in 1954? It would be a “millions of years” long stalemate.

* So now a human sealed Ghidorah inside the meteor? How did they do that? You’re creating more and more jumbled and completely worthless detail that could never realistically come to pass.

* Why did Ghidorah get sent BACK to Mars? Why not just shot out into space at a random angle hoping to avoid any contact with planets to send him as far away as possible in the hopes that he’d never return? Why send him to a neighboring planet?

* King Ghidorah and Godzilla fight and Godzilla is “dragged” many “feet” into the air? How does a monster without arms “drag” Godzilla, a 90,000 ton monster, “many feet” into the air? His three long necks are strong, but Godzilla would never budge from the ground by use of Ghidorah’s three heads alone. His feet are not shaped to grab hold of Godzilla either, and really it doesn’t matter. At 90,000 tons, Godzilla is too heavy to be lifted into the air by any Kaiju. Even Ghidorah’s strength is not enough under Earth gravitational conditions to accomplish that feat.

* Godzilla would not “suffocate” from being stomped on. He would simply get flattened. Ghidorah is one of the heaviest monsters Toho has created next to Biollante and maybe Destoroyah if I remember his weight correctly, but otherwise Ghidorah would flatten Godzilla by jumping on him.

* An “electronic amplifier” would not paralyze Godzilla. He’s not electronic, therefore your little “super” weapon is useless against him and would cause no further damage than perhaps a pinch on the arm.

* Why would Ghidorah flee at that point?! Godzilla is paralyzed!! Kill him you stupid three headed dragon who is a bitch to the MUTO’s and some random ancient civilization that doesn’t exist!!

* Didn’t Godzilla and Ghidorah fight in Tokyo? How did Ghidorah make it to the US so fast and why is he isolating his attacks to cities like LA and San Diego? Don’t you know the names of other large population cities in the US West coast?

* Paralysis is not a type of “slumber.”

* Why does Reaver visit Elle Brody? She’s completely irrelevant at this point along with the Ford who is now nothing more than background memories.

* Again, Godzilla was rediscovered in 1954. Reaver’s father would not have seen Godzilla in hibernation or swimming about the oceans. Nor would humans just gingerly watch him do so. He’s not a dolphin who poses no threat to humanity. He’s a Kaiju.

* Why would Elle just randomly accept an invitation to a place called “Monster Island?” It seems to me it’s a place to avoid, not go see like it’s some kind of vacation hot spot. 

* Again, forcing “Destoroyah” into the mix. 

* Elle didn’t know about “Mothra” on Ford’s tank in his house in Janjira.

* So Reaver and his father swam with Godzilla eh? Yeah, I don’t think so.

* Is this a love moment between Elle and Reaver, because if it is it’s not very respectful to Ford. Elle’s still in mourning according to your previous statements. She wouldn’t just fall in love with this guy.

* If this story takes place decades after 2014, how is Sam still a kid being called “sweetie” by his mother?

* Yep, a forced love story even if it is temporarily unrequited… Fantastic. (sarcasm intended)

* If Reaver was injured to the point of not being able to continue in the field, WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?!?!

* Reaver is a dick to the general’s husband and an immoral jerk besides!

* Forced Dr. Serizawa eye patch!

* Ghidorah was lured back with a “sonar” transmitter? Yeah, that’s not how that works. Try again.

* Again with the “centuries” long stalemate that should be millions of years long.

* Meteorites don’t just move through space because of a sonar transmitter. There has to be some other force at work powering the stupid thing for it to be viable. Think!

* Forced Anguirus reference with the sculpture of an armadillo.

* Forced Biollante reference with the tentacle of a biological mutant plant. (Of course it’s biological. It’s a plant! Unnecessary detail)

* How is Reaver arrested for trespassing when the island was completely abandoned before his arrival?

* Reaver was not acquainted with Joe Brody and thus would not know of his discoveries regarding the MUTO EMP pulses or anything else he studied. This entire sequence is nothing but a forced and rather stupid repeat of the Joe Brody scene in Godzilla 2014.

* “Hidden tape via microchip.” That’s not how that works either.

* Why would the evil doctor “confess” to orchestrating terrorist nuke plots aboard the sub and the satanic rituals of the cult? He’s not on trial and he’s not there. Why would he confess to this?

* The terrorist nuke plot now has no meaning whatsoever beyond making the waters black. The nuke plot now becomes a pointless plot hole!

* How does the evil genius doctor not know how to keep himself safe from getting arrested during an important doomsday speech? He’s not so smart is he?

* Again, paralysis is not a form of “sleep.”

* Stenz is being held in a cryogenic glass box? Why? His being against these plans would not put him in this state. More than likely he would simply continue on opposed to the idea but still follow his orders like a good soldier does.

* New forced love sequence between Reaver and his long lost love!

* Oh so it’s Godzilla who’s in the cryogenic glass box. You didn’t make that clear before. You made it sound like Stenz was in the box. Yeah, more attention to detail here would be nice.

* 90,000 tons of lizard is contained in a giant “glass” box that could NEVER support his weight or even remotely function to this capacity in the first place. Godzilla is too heavy to move by any modern technological methods. At 90,000 tons, he’d have simply been left in the streets of Tokyo after getting hit with the “super” weapon that doesn’t actually work against him

* The “chopper” could never drag a 90,000 ton lizard in a hundred to thousand ton glass box. This isn’t Pacific Rim where the plane/choppers that carry the Jaegers defy the laws of physics. Take some time to study the laws of physics for a bit.

* King Ghidorah is back in San Fran… Lovely. More lacking of creativity!

* Radiation doesn’t just do what you want it to, and dropping Godzilla onto a nuclear plant would still leak dangerous levels of radiation for several miles into the surrounding area. Godzilla feeds on “ambient” radiation in this lore, not man-made radiation. This little Deus Ex Machina you’ve come up with is useless and wouldn’t work.

* Again, radiation doesn’t just do what you want it to. Godzilla’s atomic breath would not revitalize Mothra in the slightest.

* How did Elle and Sam get back to San Fran from Reaver’s resort home so quickly? And who brought them? A timeline would be nice here so that we can get an idea of how it happened.

* Humans would not cheer for a monster battle. They would be getting the hell out of there. Projecting your own fan based love of Godzilla onto a horde of people who otherwise never knew the feeling of being a “fan” of Godzilla is not something that you can do as a writer and make it credible or valid. This idea is completely illogical and goes against basic human psychology. In other words, “It don’t work.”

* Mothra could not possibly “carry” King Ghidorah. He’s too heavy, and again the laws of physics prove this idea impossible and completely without point.

* Two different types of energy do not clash and go back and forth like in Dragonball Z. Ghidorah’s lighting type energy versus Mothra’s more solid and stable energy doesn’t create a DBZ standoff. Ghidorah’s lightning beams either shatter Mothra’s energy attack and go right through it, or they go around her attack in which case both monsters take a hit.

* Godzilla’s neck is not thick enough for all three of Ghidorah’s heads to wrap around it, thus making that detail overdone. One head is sufficient, especially since we STILL don’t know how big Ghidorah actually is.

* Again, you’re forcing a bond between Godzilla and humanity that doesn’t exist. Ghidorah wouldn’t be able to see Sam from any significant distance, nor would Godzilla. They’re too big, and humans are too small to be noticed like this. Also, Godzilla wouldn’t care about Sam. All he’s thinking about now is how to get away from Ghidorah’s attack. Sam is not even an afterthought. Godzilla is not a hero in 2014, so why are you forcing him to suddenly care about every human he comes across even when he can’t feasibly see them?

* Godzilla’s “hyper breath” comes from nowhere and has no explanation. Where did the sudden surge of power come from? The reactor which revived him could not have caused it because Godzilla is not known to feed on man-made radiation. He feeds on “ambient” radiation in this lore, so your detail that the reactor did this is invalid.

* Also, Godzilla’s “hyper” breath is red, not orange.

* Godzilla’s moth cannot function in two different ways at once. Either his mouth is open and he’s using his atomic breath, or he’s clamping down on Ghidorah’s neck. It’s one or the other pal.

* How does this blast off one head and “both” wings and kill King Ghidorah? With two living brains left, he still has enough capacity to function and live through the attack. Ghidorah’s wings are not directly in line with his middle head either, nor would they be blasted completely off by one attack regardless of how powerful it seems to have become.

* Ghidorah, if he’s big enough to be this much of a threat to Godzilla, would be too heavy for Godzilla to move. Godzilla is 90,000 tons. Ghidorah is likely to be well in excess of 150,000 tons.

* Again, civilians would not cheer for this outcome. Godzilla is still a Kaiju, and in a world where monsters are something to be feared rather than admired, basic human psychology dictates that at most they’d watch in silence as they did in the 2014 movie.

* More forced Godzilla bonded with humanity as he glances at Reaver and the general lady even though he’s too far away to see them!!

* Forced MechaGodzilla ending credit sequence even though MechaGodzilla was discovered and for some reason never excavated or studied by the military when Monster Island was attacked! How is it that MechaGodzilla went unnoticed even though his head was found? Who would NOT report that? How did the military not come down and find him?

* More forced Destoroyah in the end credit sequence even though Godzilla supposedly killed all of them!

In summary, you seem to have paid little to no attention to the 2014 lore at all when wriitng this piece. As a fan, I can at least appreciate your effort to create a piece of work that you believe pays respect and homage to your favorite Kaiju, but you have not accomplished that in the eyes of objective readers.

You failed to deliver on or respec the 2014 lore, and as such much of what you've written is not valid as proper sequel material. Try using your own creativity next time and don't just rip off of existing works. It makes your writing seem lazy and contrived, which doesn't give readers a good first impression. Also, take the time to study the areas where you failed to deliver such as on a few of the terms and on the laws of physics. Some of the things you wrote about sound cool, but could never take place such as Mothra carrying Ghidorah.

All in all, despite the fan service, I find this work to be very poorly thought out and poorly written. Again, part of this is the lack of original creativity, but the rest of the problem lies within your own lack of respect for the original 2014 lore and the history it brought to the table. You outright ignored it in many places, and that's not what any writer would or should ever do when writing a piece of fiction based on something else. Always pay attention to detail, and always respect the source material.

If you don't, it's not worth taking the time to write about.

nice artwork. :)

Oh my god! That was very long! Nice overall man, keep it up! TW_G-FAN2014, I'm pretty sure that is the longest post I've ever seen but I mean the story had some positives aswell as negatives and I'm sure listing a bunch of problems with it will do his confidence no good whereas listing whatever pros you observe would do him the world of good! Still, they were correct observations you made.

@evan123,

check your scified inbox. :)

The link doesn't work but I found the thread, they are incredible BIGBADBEN, REALLY GOOD! If you go on the jurassic world forums I'll be posting my conceptual work on the diabolus Rex, the new super hybrid dinosaur Soon, be sure to check it out!

sure thing man look foward to it. :)

where is Godzilla

@EVAN-not to mention the list is pretty nitpicky. I see some legit criticisms, but others on there are pure nitpicks or things I've clearly explained outright. For example:

-"Why would a retired Lt. be called back?"

REASON: Ford Brody is dead and they need somebody more than competent to step in! I also mentioned earlier on through dialog that he was previously the highest-ranking Lt. on their crew and he also has direct ties to Monster Island, the island they're investigating, giving Stenz not one, but two clear motives to bring him back as I've also pointed out (think Ryan Hardy being called back to the FBI for being the one who caught Joe Carroll, the serial killer who just escaped from prison on the show The Following: the motive is clearly there which BTW, that's what inspired this story arch from me) and the major love story arch would not be possible without him, and I created the love story triangle (which admittedly was inspired from the love triangle sub plot in Gojira with Emiko, Dr. Serizawa and Ogata) to add another layer of character development. I tried to make it as character-driven as possible while still giving the monsters plenty of limelight.

Furthermore:

-"Why are they called Dorats? It's ripping off Godzilla vs King Ghidorah"

REASON: actually, no, ripping off the GvKG storyline would be having the whole alien backstory for King Ghidorah, which I completely excluded from this, as Legendary would have to do in order to incorporate him in any sequel as he wouldn't fit Edwards' universe otherwise. The 3 creatures becoming Ghidorah have the same name (Dorats), he's Godzilla's arch nemesis, and he's a planet-destroying force of destruction, and that's where the similarities to the Toho monster end. 

-Why was there a cult worshipping Ghidorah when there was no detail of his origin?

REASON: I explained towards the end that they're secretly IsleCorp agents in disguise (the secret branch of Monarch responsible for the MI incident) as Dr. Novak himself admitted to orchestrating that ritual via his own henchmen in an attempt to strike fear! So yes, they know of his origin because they're the ones responsible for luring Ghidorah back to earth via the sonar transmitter. As for it ripping off Ghidorah: the Three Headed Monster, 1) I'm pretty sure every single possible build-up cliche has been done before at some point with all these generations of movies we've had, I dare you to name me one that hasn't and 2)I don't recall the cult worshippers in GTTHM being bio-terrorists in disguise, secretly working for an evil corporation, again, talk about nit-picking.

-"Is this a love moment between Elle and Ford? Because it's not respectful to her"

REASON: Duh, I again, clearly state that she rejected his advances because she can't accept having another man in her life in her grieving state after tragically losing her husband. She supposedly gains affection (teasing a romance between the two, that's meant to build drama and characterization in case you aren't aware, ever hear of build-up?) because of the emotional cues she has of seeing Reaver interact with a creature she and her son have an emotional attachment to much like himself (and the "Destroyah" fish tank was also meant to tie her in emotionally as her late husband, Ford, also had a fish tank with "Mothra" written above), which later turns out to be a hoax, as I, again, very clearly stated in this paragraph. Please pay attention to detail, that's all I ask.

-"You are not describing shots of text, you're describing lines of dialog"

ANSWER: actually, by lines of text, I was clearly referring to each of the opening credits rolling, as I clearly stated earlier. Not only is this nitpicking, it clearly shows you not paying attention to detail.

-"So a meteor is an egg now?"

ANSWER: I said "meteoric nest" once, and every other time I mentioned the meteor he was in, I clearly said meteor, so me calling it a "nest" was clearly a metaphor, I very clearly called it a "meteoric nest" instead of a simple "nest" one time before referring to it as a meteor in every other reference, again, talk about nit-picky.

-"How could Ghidorah reach down and bite Dr. Serizawa?"

ANSWER: ever hear of hunching down and lowering your head? Apparently not. And seeing how Dr. Serizawa literally walked right up to the meteor, I'd say he got plenty close enough for Ghidorah to lower his head and reach him with his massively long neck. You do raise a good point about the size of his head not being able to bite just his eye, though, fine, I'll exclude it. I was trying to think of a way give him the eye patch as a nod to the Toho character, but I guess I can do without it.

-"Ghidorah has a full blown population on Earth now?"

ANSWER: where did I say that? Please, show it to me!

-"How could KG come to Earth from a meteor while existing at the same time period as Godzilla?"

ANSWER: Again, I said their timeline goes on for centuries, so meteors could exist when it finally happens!

-"What was it that caused the yacht attack? Make up your mind"

REASON: that was kinda the point! We don't know what caused the attack, as Kristerson himself even says. That was meant to add build-up and suspense to the story. However, Kristoferson does imply that it MAY have been warhead-related. Again, pay attention! Also, we do get some nice Destroyah easter eggs all throughout this story treatment, which was supposed to lead the audience to think "hmm?" I intentionally did that to entice audiences, diehard G-fans in particular, because the post-credit scene clearly gives away that, yes, Destroyah's gonna to be the in the 3rd and final movie which, as the rest of the treatment clearly lays out, is gonna be a DAM-themed finale.

-"Oh wait, it's Destroyah, another example of lacking creativity"

ANSWER: what difference does it make whether it's a monster (be it a reimagined Toho monster or a whole new one created by Edwards) or the warhead destroying the ship (or anything I could possibly name as the cause for the shipwreck for that matter)? Because if it's the latter, I've got news for you: that's been done before as well in monster movies. Again, name me a destruction cliche that hasn't been done yet with the decades worth of different monster films we've gotten! Name me one and I'll sell you a piece of land for $2 million. 

-"General flee upon seeing the Lt"

REASON: Ugh, again, I clearly state that they're an ex-couple who had an emotional break up. She also married another man (which was meant to add another layer of drama/conflict later on as she's married to the secretly-until-the-end mad scientist, Dr. Novak!). She tried to avoid him to avoid conflict. Imagine that you are romantically involved with a co-worker for years and even engaged to him/her. Then imagine that he/she is fatally injured on the job, leaving him unable to continue in the field (or so it appears). Then imagine that you don't see or hear from the man/woman you love and are engaged to in forever, forcing you to split. Then imagine that your ex who you haven't seen or heard from in over 5 years suddenly returns to your job from out of nowhere after you've married someone else. I think you'd feel a little emotionally disturbed at first, too upon seeing him/her back. That's what it was: she was acting out of instinct. 

-People would not vote in polls on Godzilla, and the government would not hold these polls.

REASON: why not? People vote in public opinion polls regarding all kinds of social or environmental issues, why not one literally affecting the entire world, holding it to the brink? And they are not held by the government, they're public opinion polls which are held by pollsters, research-based institutions (not to mention I said absolutely nothing about the government holding these polls, more nit-picking)! The news media just broadcasted the results of these polls, which is BTW yet another thing I've clearly pointed out in the treatment. 

-More Destroyah found, even though Godzilla supposedly destroyed all of them.

REASON: exactly, he supposedly did, just like Ghidorah "supposedly" destroyed all the Destroyah (which I intentionally labeled "crab-like MUTO" instead of "Destroyah" outright for suspense build-up) found on Monster Island, which I clearly revealed to not be the case in the very next scene. Same thing here: I was gonna reveal in the sequel that there's yet more of these things lurking around in other parts of the world, plenty more! That should've been made crystal clear in the post-credits scene where I basically wave my creative arms in the air saying that Destroyah is gonna be in the 3rd movie. You can't unveil that isn't there.

-"How is Reaver arrested for tresspassing when the island is abandoned?"

REASON: I clearly point out that it's owned by IsleCorp, a secret branch of the expanded Monarch project alleged to be conducting research on the island! Again, if you would just pay attention to detail. Also, since Reaver is a former Lt. who served when Joe was an active participant in his studies, it's very possible he would know of Joe's past experiences or at least was told about it upon being called back in character/dialog scenes, which this is a story treatment that only covers story archs or movie scenes, so of course that was to be excluded. I can't cover literally everything that was said among the characters in this, that's for actual movie scripts, not story treatments. That can also possibly be tied in to your "UN would not talk this way" critique: you don't know everything that was said.

-"People would not cheer Godzilla"

ANSWER: oh, but they sure as hell did in the 2014 movie when he gets up and walks into the ocean and the "King of the Monsters: Savior of Mankind?" appears at the bottom on the news report, did we not watch the same movie? Even if they didn't initially cheer during the 2014 movie, it's very possible they would be ecstatic for literally their only hope coming to save them (restore balance) from an unstoppable force of terror that I clearly depict Ghidorah to be in this, which is staying very true to character for both.

-"Don't respect the source material"

REASON: I'd say Godzilla being there to restore balance and deliberately trying to avoid killing humans (showing some degree of concern, or at least acknowledgement for them which he did numerous times in the 2014 movie) follows the movie's storyline to the letter. As for Monarch being defunct, I do say this movie takes place 3 years after the events of the first movie, in which case, Monarch could reasonably have been disbanded.

-"If Reaver is injured, why is he called back?"

REASON: he's directly tied to the island in question (later revealed to be Monster Island) which I, again, clearly pointed out. But if you wanna say "that's not good enough reason to be called back to something you're not physically able to continue in" (which is reasonable), fine: over time, he recovered from these injuries, but avoided re-enlisting in light of knowing that he's split from his ex-wife (who happens to be the armed forces General, remember!) in order to avoid conflict as entailed above. Also because he's enjoyed his time away from the intense duties of the military and wanted to live the rest of his life peacefully, but being called back to a plot on an island he has direct and close emotional ties to was too much for him to pass up, so there you go, that's his motivation for voluntarily coming back. Again, I can't cover all dialog scenes in a story treatment, only certain bits and pieces of dialog pertaining to the story.

-"Humans didn't exist during Godzilla's time"

REASON: I did say their rivalry extended throughout many centuries and generations which could have realistically extended itself to the humans' existence, but I didn't say it outright, I probably should have to avoid confusion, so whatever. 

-"The terrorist nuke was just meant to make the waters black"

REASON: Actually, I was going to reveal in the sequel that it was meant to free the remaining Destroyah from their slumber, so it did have a point to it! I didn't wanna spoil it, but your relentless nit-picking kinda forced me to let the cat out of the bag early. Also, one could reasonably draw the conclusion that the warhead is what caused the shipwreck (via explosion) as it occured in the exact same part of the PO that the military yacht was on. That was also meant to add to the dramatization of whether it was monster or warhead-related (another thing you've nitpicked at that I've plainly stated outright). And no, they couldn't have seen what caused it as the rift occured just as they tried to observe it and before they could get any traces.

-"Evil doctor doesn't know how to avoid getting himself arrested"

REASON: he did try and, for a long time, succeeded in avoiding arrest by covering up IsleCorp's involvement with the Monster Island incident for years (as Orlovsky has been married to the Dr. for 5, not knowing of his involvement yet, which was the main point of the love triangle), I'd say it worked plenty long enough. Unfortunately, the cat was eventually let out of the bag as they finally discovered his big secret when they found out that he's secretly involved. Not much he can do there.

I see some legit criticisms here and there (as with most writers, I'll admit I'm not perfect, very, very few scripts/treatments are completely flawless and plot hole-free), but these aren't legit at all, these are just weak (nit-picks), which make up more than half his list. A lot of these are questions to things I've clearly answered and pointed out specifically in the story treatment (while the rest are nit-picks). Again, pay attention! 

^My bad, the "3 years" thing was in a previous draft of this, I rewrote that paragraph in an attempt to shorten it (actually, the whole story treatment) and left it out in the revision, it was a simple mistake, and BTW, I have proof that it was.

The rest is all there, though, again, if you'd just pay attention, you'd know it's there and these are just nit-picks.

Hey, that was great. Really well done.

Don't listen to stupid crying dumbasses like G-Fan 2014, who are complaining about everything. 
By the way, G-Fan 2014, why don't you make something better, if you have the time to complain ab

Hey, that was great. Really well done.

Don't listen to stupid crying dumbasses like G-Fan 2014, who are complaining about everything. 
By the way, G-Fan 2014, why don't you make something better, if you have the time to complain about everything. It is not an actual movie, it is just an idea, somebody had, who spended his time in making this instead of writing sensless critics. 

Also, "crustaceans are not larva, it shows you didn't do your research!" Again, please show me where I referred to the Destroyah as larva. At the end, I clearly said her 2 larva, which I obviously meant her 2 worm-like larva just like w/the Toho version of the monster, and I once again specifically said "her" larva. Why would the Destroyah be "her" larva, or her young, in this case? Moths are not crustaceans, last I checked, not to mention I clearly had the Destroyah fighting the moth MUTOs earlier, so much for them being "hers" then, another example of nitpicking. I'd hate to accuse him of desperately looking for a reason to pick it apart by twisting things, but this is valid proof of that. 

Like I said, I see some legit criticisms in that post, however, as I pointed out in my last post, most of these are nit-picks, complete fabrications, and questions to things I very clearly answered if you'd, again, just pay attention! 

nice story!

^Thanks.

BTW, a little background check (or should I say, looking through his post history) shows that G-fan. So yup, he was clearly just looking for a reason to troll by twisting each section of my story treatment to fit his warped view of what I wrote (like me "claiming that Destroyahs are larva" and "the nuke was just there to make the ocean black") so he could pick it apart. Yeah, I did see some legit criticisms and took it upon myself to revise it in my online version of it on [url]godzillafanon.wikia.com[/url], but most of these are flat-out nit picks. So yup, after looking at his posting history, I know not to take anything he says seriously from hereon out.

As for why I didn't have Dr. Kraven avoid getting arrested: 1)I DID by having him successfully cover up IsleCorp's involvement on MI for years, which clearly qualifies as avoiding arrest, and 2) The climax of the love triangle story arch between Orlovsky, Reaver and Novak, i.e: her finding out the truth and having the heated confrontation between the 3 of them at the prison, her leaving him and removing her engagement ring to get back with Reaver, wouldn't be possible without him getting arrested. Writers have certain things happen in scripts to lead further dramatizations than they would've gotten otherwise, as was the case here. And only in that heated confrontation was Reaver able to let Dr. Novak know that he literally took everything from him which, again, wouldn't be possible without him getting arrested and detained somewhere, but of course I wouldn't expect him to understand since he took just about every single aspect of this out of context.

@dr.godzilla,

watch the name calling please and no one here is a dumb***.

Thank you!

So I'm a troll and have a "warped view" eh?

How about this then?

1 - I asked "Why would a retired Lt. be called back," and you responded with "Ford Brody is dead and they need somebody more than competent to step in!"

That's not how the military works, and you're reaching for excuses to make the character work. The problem here is not what you wanted him to accomplish in the story, it's how he fits in and the fact is that he doesn't. The military doens't just call in people who used to be really good. You mentioned that he receied a lot of injuries and guess what that means? He's not in peak coniditoin and doesn't have the same strength or skills that he used to especially if he's been retired for any good length of time. The memories of skill don't fade, but the body and muscle memory do. You can't just write that gap away and pretend that it works.

It doesn't, so your counter to my question is invalid.

2 - I asked "Why are they called Dorats? It's ripping off Godzilla vs King Ghidorah", and your response was "actually, no, ripping off the GvKG storyline would be having the whole alien backstory for King Ghidorah, which I completely excluded from this, as Legendary would have to do in order to incorporate him in any sequel as he wouldn't fit Edwards' universe otherwise."

You are entirely incorrect, as the three dorats were in Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah and the whole point of the dorats was to create King Ghidorah to use against humanity. Even if you didn't go the humanity controlling KG route, you did copy the dorats from that movie and force them to fuse into KG like they did in the movie due to the effects of the atmoic bomb in place of Godzilla.

Once again, your counter is invalid.

3 - I asked "Why was there a cult worshipping Ghidorah when there was no detail of his origin?" and you responded with a rather long winded explanation of how you did explain his origin, and I was asking questions as I read so I'll give you this first part.

As for the second part of your response about my asking about you ripping off of the whole meteor egg thing from GTTHM, you responded with "I'm pretty sure every single possible build-up cliche has been done before at some point with all these generations of movies we've had, I dare you to name me one that hasn't and 2)I don't recall the cult worshippers in GTTHM being bio-terrorists in disguise, secretly working for an evil corporation, again, talk about nit-picking."

I never asked about cult worshippers in GTTHM, so you're actually "explaining" something without purpose so nice job on that one. When it comes to ripping off the meteor egg thing, you completely avoided the question and tried to pass it off as a cliche when it isn't. Ghidorah could have been used or transported by any number of methods, but you explained it as a "sonar transmitter" which is not a viable tool for such a job especially when Ghidorah is so far out to space that the beams from the transmitter would never reach him to lure him back. It's entirely unsound and impractical, and you failed to deliver on the keeping to the 2014 methodology.

4 - I asked "Is this a love moment between Elle and Ford? Because it's not respectful to her" and you responded with "Duh, I again, clearly state that she rejected his advances because she can't accept having another man in her life in her grieving state after tragically losing her husband. She supposedly gains affection (teasing a romance between the two, that's meant to build drama and characterization in case you aren't aware, ever hear of build-up?) because of the emotional cues she has of seeing Reaver interact with a creature she and her son have an emotional attachment to much like himself (and the "Destroyah" fish tank was also meant to tie her in emotionally as her late husband, Ford, also had a fish tank with "Mothra" written above), which later turns out to be a hoax, as I, again, very clearly stated in this paragraph. Please pay attention to detail, that's all I ask."

You didn't pay attention to the question, nor my statement. You forced a love traingle with a grieving widow who never had any attachment to Godzilla whatsoever, nor her son, and tried to force a link between them based on her seeing a fishtank which she never saw or knew about. Ford's "Mothra" tank was in Janjira when he was a kid, a place that Elle never saw and I'm dead certain Ford never told her about it as it's not an important detail. It was just an easter egg in the movie to play to the fans. Your entire "explanation" regarding this is comletely invalid.

And yes, I know what build up is, but you, it seems, have no idea how to actually pay attention to what's being asked nor can you keep your thoughts and facts straight.

5 - I said "You are not describing shots of text, you're describing lines of dialog" in reference to the sentence "Shots of soldiers searching various islands are seen throughout each shot of text." You brilliantly responded with "actually, by lines of text, I was clearly referring to each of the opening credits rolling, as I clearly stated earlier. Not only is this nitpicking, it clearly shows you not paying attention to detail."

Clearly a misinterpretation of wording. You said you were clearly referring to something, but obviously you weren't being clear about anything. Opening credits aren't an "epilogue" nor are they a "prolgoue" and if such a things is being provided by a character, in this case admiral Stenz, it is not provided in text. Such things are provided via dialogue. An opening narration. If you wanted just credits, you give credits. Mixing credits with other varying lines of text over various images overwhelms audiences and jumbles the message.

So no, you weren't being clear at all. You were muddying everything up with incoherent ideas that don't lead to any kind of clear conclusion other than TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT!! Audiences would shake their heads at such things.

6 - I asked "So a meteor is an egg now?" and once again your response was brilliant. You said "I said "meteoric nest" once, and every other time I mentioned the meteor he was in, I clearly said meteor, so me calling it a "nest" was clearly a metaphor, I very clearly called it a "meteoric nest" instead of a simple "nest" one time before referring to it as a meteor in every other reference, again, talk about nit-picky.

You completely missed the point, and no, you didn't call the meteor a "nest" at any time before the word "egg" came along when I referenced it. So once again, your brilliant respose is completely invalid. If you don't believe me, go back to your story and to a search for the words "egg" and "nest," and egg comes first. I know, I checked.

7 - I asked "How could Ghidorah reach down and bite Dr. Serizawa?". Again, a brilliant response!

"Ever hear of hunching down and lowering your head? Apparently not. And seeing how Dr. Serizawa literally walked right up to the meteor, I'd say he got plenty close enough for Ghidorah to lower his head and reach him with his massively long neck."

Thankfully you somewhat redeemed yourself by realizing that the size issue was the fault and not the method by which Ghidorah implemented the action. However, you completely failed to address the issue in any kind of adult manner. Asking if I've heard of something so simple and then saying "apparently not" makes you sound like a child. Be honest, you're either a teen or a pre teen aren't you? Judging by the level (or lack thereof) in literacy, I'd say early teen at best.

8 - I asked "Ghidorah has a full blown population on Earth now?" and you responded with "where did I say that? Please, show it to me!"

Very well: "Upon landing on Mars, he would go on a centuries long planet-destruction spree, eviscerating many planets in many different solar systems and all life on those planets-including the dinosaurs, his own species-here on earth."

Now, to be fair, you're referencing the dinosaurs as being Ghidorah's own species which can in one sense be true. However, the fact that you referred to them as part of his species implies that there are more of Ghidorah than just the one in this story. If it has or is part of a species, it is by definition not alone.

9 - I asked "How could KG come to Earth from a meteor while existing at the same time period as Godzilla?" and you responded with "Again, I said their timeline goes on for centuries, so meteors could exist when it finally happens!"

Wrong. Godzilla's history in 2014 goes back millions of years. Just watch the movie again and you'll see that the time the doctors are speaking of goes back before the dinosaurs. Listen to Sally Hawkins' dialogue. She directly states that. "Centuries" is hundreds of years, not millions. The fact that meteors exist everwhere in space is irrelevant. The issue is the time period and how it is that Ghidora come from the same time period as Godzilla if Ghidorah's own only goes back centuries whereas Godzilla's goes back millions of years.

This comes from you not paying enough attention to the movie nor were you able to retain the information well enough to use it in your story.

10 - I said "What was it that caused the yacht attack? Make up your mind" and your response was "that was kinda the point! We don't know what caused the attack, as Kristerson himself even says. That was meant to add build-up and suspense to the story. However, Kristoferson does imply that it MAY have been warhead-related. Again, pay attention! Also, we do get some nice Destroyah easter eggs all throughout this story treatment, which was supposed to lead the audience to think "hmm?" I intentionally did that to entice audiences, diehard G-fans in particular, because the post-credit scene clearly gives away that, yes, Destroyah's gonna to be the in the 3rd and final movie which, as the rest of the treatment clearly lays out, is gonna be a DAM-themed finale."

The long winded response is not answering the question, again. The question was directly asked about how and why we suddenly found out there was a kaiju behind it when Ford and the soldiers never saw or reported anything beyond the yacht going down. You completely ignored the fact that the soldiers would have seen a kaiju attacking it and reported it, since all but Ford survived. How could that remain a mystery for so long until you just happen to decide to reveal it? You ask me to pay attention, but you're not paying attention to your own work if you're making mistakes like this.

12 - Next I said "Oh wait, it's Destroyah, another example of lacking creativity" and you answered with "what difference does it make whether it's a monster (be it a reimagined Toho monster or a whole new one created by Edwards) or the warhead destroying the ship (or anything I could possibly name as the cause for the shipwreck for that matter)? Because if it's the latter, I've got news for you: that's been done before as well in monster movies. Again, name me a destruction cliche that hasn't been done yet with the decades worth of different monster films we've gotten! Name me one and I'll sell you a piece of land for $2 million."

Again, you missed the point. I was simply pointing out that you lack creativity to force another Toho monster into the mix. I don't care about the rest of the scene. The idea that you can't come up with something on your own is what irritated me in this area of your story. The whole issue about it being a kaiju or a warhead related incident is completley irrelevant. I don't owe you anything, by the way, so I'm under no obligation to name any monster movies that haven't brought a known cliche to the table. You may as well stop asking.

13 - I asked "General flee upon seeing the Lt" and you gave a rather long winded response that completely ignored the question.

You don't seem to understand how the military works, and you clearly demonstrate that by having a general run away from someone. Rank and history doesn't matter. High ranking military officers have more discipline and pride than what you displayed. I'm actually rather insulted that you would think a general, even if she's a woman, would react in such a disgraceful manner. Instinct does not trump what you are taught in the military buddy. Don't believe me? Ask someone who's in it.

14 - I mentioned the fact that People would not vote in polls on Godzilla, and the government would not hold these polls." and you responded with "why not? People vote in public opinion polls regarding all kinds of social or environmental issues, why not one literally affecting the entire world, holding it to the brink? And they are not held by the government, they're public opinion polls which are held by pollsters, research-based institutions (not to mention I said absolutely nothing about thegovernment holding these polls, more nit-picking)! The news media just broadcasted the results of these polls, which is BTW yet another thing I've clearly pointed out in the treatment."

News flash kid, this isn't politics. Godzilla is a monster. He's not a "poll" worthy issue. Nobody in this established Godzilla universe would care about a poll regarding a monster they know next to nothing about. The 2014 movie clearly establishes the fact that Godzilla is an anti-hero, and the idea of whether or not he's a savior comes with a question mark. Ignoring that question mark is a slap in the face to Gareth Edwards, and treating the fact, not the idea but the fact, that Godzilla was not cheered for in the 2014 movie shows that you didn't pay much attention to the reaction beyond Serizawa's happy face at seeing Godzilla leave in the end. He does not encompass the feelings of mankind. He's just one man.

Again, your ignorance to the way things work is rather appaling.

15 - I said "More Destroyah found, even though Godzilla supposedly destroyed all of them" and you responded with "exactly, he supposedly did, just like Ghidorah "supposedly" destroyed all the Destroyah (which I intentionally labeled "crab-like MUTO" instead of "Destroyah" outright for suspense build-up) found on Monster Island, which I clearly revealed to not be the case in the very next scene. Same thing here: I was gonna reveal in the sequel that there's yet more of these things lurking around in other parts of the world, plenty more! That should've been made crystal clear in the post-credits scene where I basically wave my creative arms in the air saying that Destroyah is gonna be in the 3rd movie. You can't unveil that isn't there."

You tried to build up suspense, but for every G-fan out there you failed miserably. "Crab-like" has only one meaning, Destoroyah. I knew instantly who you were referencing the moment you said that, as did others. As for the rest of your explanation, it's just unecessary. The talk of how there are so many of them begs another pair of questions: "How did the doctor control all of them and manage them and finance his exploits without being noticed by the governments who were supplying his revenue? And if he managed to hide it, how did he accomplish it?"

Don't bother answering them though. I already know that whatever you come up with will be just as contrived as the rest.

16 - I asked "How is Reaver arrested for tresspassing when the island is abandoned?" and you responded "I clearly point out that it's owned by IsleCorp, a secret branch of the expanded Monarch project alleged to be conducting research on the island!"

Again, you don't pay attention to your own work. When the monsters attacked, you said the island was barren and abandoned. Nobody there at all. So how did Reaver suddenly get arrested with nobody there, and if they arrived afterwards, how did they find him without him knowing they had come? Helicopters and planes make a lot of noise you know. You're ignoring very simple things in order to force suspense and surprise and you're not doing a good job of it.

17 - I said "People would not cheer Godzilla" and you answered "oh, but they sure as hell did in the 2014 movie when he gets up and walks into the ocean and the "King of the Monsters: Savior of Mankind?"

There were a few in the shelter with Ford who let out a few yells, but everyone outside was as quiet as a mouse watching him get up and leave. And also, the "Savior of Mankind?" part has a question mark, again, in case you didn't notice it. That question means that not everyone is so eager to cheer for him, and the news casters posting it are wondering as well. If you don't know how the media works, they ask questions first and then throw dirt on everything before giving credit where it's due. The damages caused by the monsters would be the first subject of discussion among media all over the world, and the whole idea that Godzilla is a savior would quickly be lost under the weight of how angry everyone would be upon figuring out how much damage he and the MUTOs caused.

18 - I said Don't respect the source material" and you responded with "I'd say Godzilla being there to restore balance and deliberately trying to avoid killing humans (showing some degree of concern, or at least acknowledgement for them which he did numerous times in the 2014 movie) follows the movie's storyline to the letter."

Obvioulsy you didn't pay attention, as you clearly have a hard time doing.

Godzilla's tsunami cuased the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of people caught in its wake. Does that show any level of concern for humanity? When Godzilla and the MUTO engage in battle, is Godzilla waiting for the humans to get out of the way? No. He's waiting for the MUTO to come and fight. When they engage in the final battle, is he saying "thank you" to Ford? No he isn't. He's looking down at a human who happens to be there and who is also suffering, and then simply closes his eyes and is engulfed in smoke.

Where's the concern for humanity in all of that?

19 - Next I asked "If Reaver is injurd why is he called back?" and part of your response was "over time, he recovered from these injuries, but avoided re-enlisting in light of knowing that he's split from his ex-wife (who happens to be the armed forces General, remember!) in order to avoid conflict as entailed above."

Again, you're ignoring the fact that the span of time since his time in service and the current time is too great to leave him in peak form even if he did recover from his injuries. His experience is valuable, but his lack of time in the field would justify his exemption from the mission at hand. No matter how important you made Ford out to be and the idea that he needs to be replaced, that's also not how the military works. One soldier, no matter how decorated, isn't simply replaced. The mission continues, and you ignored that fact to force Reaver into the story in the first place.

20 - I said "Humans didn't exist during Godzilla's time" and you responded with "I did say their rivalry extended throughout many centuries and generations which could have realistically extended itself to the humans' existence, but I didn't say it outright, I probably should have to avoid confusion, so whatever."

"Whatever"? You don't have the right to say "whatever" in regards to this statement. Once agian, you didn't pay attention during the movie when the doctors said Godzilla came from a time long before the dinosaurs. Unless you're one of those people who think that the dinosaurs existence only six thousand years ago, you've again failed to respect the integrity of the original material provided. Centuries doesn't cover millions of years you know.

21 - I said "The terrorist nuke was just meant to make the waters black" and your response was "Actually, I was going to reveal in the sequel that it was meant to free the remaining Destroyah from their slumber, so it did have a point to it!"

Congratulations, you avoided giving validity or logic to an element of the current story that your readers are supposed to pay attention to. Failing to provide the reason, even if it was at the end, was a massive failure on your part. Trying to say you were saving it for the sequel is no excuse here. As far as everyone reading your current story is concerned, the nuke had no point at all and when you explain in your sequel (god help us all when that happens) everyone will be wondering what the hell you're talking about.

22 - I said "Evil doctor doesn't know how to avoid getting himself arrested" and you said "he did try and, for a long time, succeeded in avoiding arrest by covering up IsleCorp's involvement with the Monster Island incident for years (as Orlovsky has been married to the Dr. for 5, not knowing of his involvement yet, which was the main point of the love triangle), I'd say it worked plenty long enough. Unfortunately, the cat was eventually let out of the bag as they finally discovered his big secret when they found out that he's secretly involved. Not much he can do there."

Actually, there is a lot he can do. If he has that much money to create so many monsters and create Mechagodzilla, he has the funds to disappear from the military and government's radar and live a life of luxury in some foreign country that none of them would think to look for him. Being able to realize that all of this requires billions of dollars, not all of which is spent, is something you need to consider as a writer in the future regarding such characters and details about their lives. Buidling a Mecha like that isn't free you know. You don't just suddenly have the supplies and materials as well as the funds and the manpower to build it. All of that must be paid for. He's obviously a billionair, or if he isn't he has a lot of people funding him.

How does he not have the money to disappear?

23 - I said "Crustaceans are not larva, it shows you didn't do your research!" "Again, please show me where I referred to the Destroyah as larva."

Very well, if I must confirm this once again that you can't pay attention to your own writing, there here you go: "The crab MUTOs turn their attention to the winged creatures as the two packs of MUTO larva begin to do battle with each other."

Key phrase here: "two packs of MUTO larva." Why is that important? Because that is a direct statement that both sides are considered MUTO larva in your writing. You may not have intended it to sound that way, but that's how it actually showed up. To anyone reading it, you just said that the crustaceans were larva.

And you have the gall to tell other people in the threads that I have a warped view of what you wrote? Wow kid, you're even more pathetic than I thought to have missed this. Again, maybe you just didn't intend it to sound this way and you glossed over it in your reread (if there was one), but man this level of inattention to your own work is sickening.

There are not illegitimate critcisms that I'm throwing your way, other than calling you pathetic which was my response to your calling me a troll.

Everything that I criticise, I do so from a logical and literal point of view. I read through your work, and I find inconsistencies and things that don't make sense and I let you know that you have messed up. Calling me a troll for that was irresponsible and downright rude on your part, though since nobody cares about being polite on the internet anymore I guess I can't blame you too much for that.

So nice try. You gave your best to defend your work, but I'm not reading it and coming up with any warped or twisted points of view when reading. I'm reading it straight, and what I see in your choice of words and your phrasing leave a lot to be desired.

If you want to call someone who's just being honest with you a troll, you should be more careful about who you aim the insult at.

TW_G-FAN2014

.....your 2 posts are single handedly probably the greatest posts on this entire forum...i have never laughed so hard lol you are truly great

I love your story treatment! I'm a big fan. However, I did notice a couple of errors, grammatical mistakes and such. I've been working on my own synopsis based on this one. It's been in the works on-and-off since July. I can't wait to share it.

I have to say, this whole post was incredibly entertaining to read through. I do like the treatment, although I had a few issues with it. I don't feel the need to share my views because I think G-FAN2014 covered everything and more in explicit detail.

Although many of his criticisms are valid, and (for me, at least) his responses were very fun reads, let's all take a step back to realize that THIS IS A PIECE OF FAN-FICTION. IT WILL NOT BE MADE INTO A REAL MOVIE (unless, of course, KManX89 is actually Max Borenstein in disguise).

That being said, I found the treatment to be very fun to read and I only have one criticism that nobody cared to mention, and it's very tiny.

Nate Brody. Elle Brody's brother-in-law.

Umm, who's this dude? I've seen the 2014 movie like seven times and there was never any mention of Ford Brody having a brother. Unless he's like a long-lost brother or something like that (which would be dumb, considering he's a throwaway character who's only purpose in the story is to die), you would be better off making that character one of her friends, or perhaps her own brother.

Other than that, this post was awesome, thank you for hours and hours of entertainment from reading through all of this.

PS: Thanks for killing off Ford Brody right at the beginning. I was very happy about that. Hopefully Max Borenstein can take some notes here.